Yankee Fog

What I've Been Up To

2009-11-05T10:10:58Z

Seeing as it's been precisely a year since my last post, you have no doubt deduced that I've abandoned all pretense of updating this blog regularly. But for anybody still following me, here are a few things I've been up to recently. A short story of mine called "Eugene" was published at Popcorn fiction. While you're there, check out the archives. There's some really brilliant stuff. My favorites include A Best Friend Named Rick and March 6th. I'd also recommend Unconditional, but I have to warn you that it's every parents' worst nightmare, so read with caution. I wrote a few episodes of a new animated series called Shelldon, which premiered last month on NBC. The first of my episodes is scheduled to air this Saturday, November 7. It looks like the second of my episodes will air November 28. I should note that, as usually happens with freelance TV writing, my scripts were rewritten pretty thoroughly after I handed them in, so I have no idea how much of my original script actually made it to the air. (Unless the episode turns out to be a staggering work of genius, in which case, I will insist they didn't change a word) Finally, last week, I was a guest on The David Feldman Comedy Podcast, where I discussed a topic about which I am widely recognized to be the world's greatest expert: the contents of my freezer. I don't mean to oversell it, but this is probably the single most important subject in the world at the moment, so I know you'll want to listen.

Today's headlines

2008-11-05T16:47:49Z

Flickr has photos of today's headlines from the UK papers. I'm sure the next time the Brits go to the polls, we'll return the compliment with similarly dramatic coverage. My favorite headline is on the far right of the photo above. It's from The Star, which considers Barak Obama significant, but not quite as significant as the attractive young woman it identifies as "Abbey Clancy in thigh-high boots." It might seem from The Star's headline that they're thanking us for our choice, but, on closer inspection, they seem to be thanking us merely for having an election: Unfortunately, I can't find the full article online, so it's not clear to me exactly how "American election fever save[d] a million British jobs," but once again, let me say: you're welcome.

A Nu Day Dawns

2008-11-05T16:33:25Z

I would like to congratulate my fellow Americans for making a historic choice. At long last, the greatest barrier in America has been broken. That's right: for the first time in history, the President of the United States will have a rabbi for a cousin. Mazal tov, Barak! Not surprisingly, the election has received considerable interest over here. Last night, I was out at a movie and the gentleman sitting next to me heard my accent. He asked where in the US I was from, and when I told him Washington, DC, he said, in the mildest, most polite tone imaginable, "Tell me, is that a region that tends to trend towards McCain or Obama?" I've lived here long enough to know that this is Britspeak for, "I'm dying to know who you voted for but it would be rude to come out and ask." So, by way of answer, I unbuttoned my shirt, revealing the Obama t-shirt underneath. The English reserve melted away. He got a big grin and clapped me on the shoulder. At that point, the movie started, so we didn't get the chance to talk further, but afterwards, he told me he was going home to watch the results on TV. So, random English guy who sat next to me at the movie, on behalf of America, let me say, "You're welcome."

Only in America

2008-10-02T08:35:50Z

Probably the question I am asked most often about life in the UK is, "What is the official tartan of Scottish Jews?" In the past, I have been able to answer only with a sad sigh and a brushed-away tear. But I shall weep no longer. Rabbi Mendel Jacobs-- who bills himself as "the only Scottish-born rabbi living in Scotland" -- has received approval from the Scottish Tartans Authority for the first official Jewish Tartan. Here it is, as modeled by Rabbi Jacobs: My only disappointment is that "Mendel Jacobs" is a sadly non-Scottish name for Scotland's only Scottish-born rabbi. Maybe it used to be Mendel MacJacob, and he changed it to sound less ethnic?

A Modest Proposal

2008-09-25T10:50:02Z

Apparently, John McCain feels he is needed in Washington, DC, on Friday, and he therefore can't attend the scheduled debate. Senator Obama disagrees, and plans to attend. Fortunately for Senator McCain, there's an easy solution. He has already chosen the one person in America he considers most qualified to step in for him if he can't fulfil his duties: Sarah Palin. So why not send Governor Palin to debate Barack Obama? Surely if she's qualified to negotiate with foreign heads of state, she can handle a debate with one little US Senator. And while she's busy dazzling America with her extensive grasp of international affair, Senator McCain can... well, he can do whatever magic economy-fixing voodoo is so important that he has to do it Friday evening. It's a win-win!

Babies for Obama

2008-08-22T13:41:01Z

I've been looking for some good Obama babywear, with no luck. The best I could find was a rather tacky looking outfit with the on-the-nose message "Babies for Obama." So I came up with a slightly more interesting slogan. And thanks to the exceptional design talents of the folks at Hunt Smith Design, it's now available for purchase at Spreadshirt.com:

Happy 4th July!

2008-07-03T17:17:20Z

Here's how my local pub is celebrating the 4th of July. (Apologies for the low-quality cameraphone image.)

In case you're wondering, "Fancy Dress" is Brit-speak for "costume." But aside from that one Englishism, they've got everything spot-on. Ah, how many a 4th July did I spend in my youth, dressed up as George Washington and playing "Shot The Balloon!" To this day, a good game of Hoopla brings back the scent of apple pie and cowboy cocktails.

God save the President, my friends. God save the President.

The Office of Government Commerce

2008-04-24T20:28:50Z

Her Majesty's Treasury has a subsection known as the Office of Government Commerce. The Office of Government Commerce has a new logo. Unfortunately, it turns out that, when scene from certain angles, the OGC's new logo looks like... erm... Well, see for yourself.

Don't Mention The War

2008-04-18T18:09:47Z

My favorite British headline of recent weeks: Mystery 'Euro-whiff' blamed on Germans.

The Flight of the Emperors

2008-04-04T13:12:01Z

The British take April Fools' Day very seriously; almost every newspaper has at least one hoax story. This year, my favorite print hoax was from the Sun, which was no doubt inspired by the media frenzy surrounding Carla Bruni, the glamorous wife of French President Nicolas Sarkozy, during their recent visit to London. According to the Sun's April 1 report:

FRENCH President Nicolas Sarkozy is to have pioneering stretch surgery in a bid to make him taller.

The 5ft 5ins leader has contacted a leading Swiss laboratory because he has become so paranoid about his frame.

Doctors reckon they will be able to add an amazing FIVE INCHES to his height in just over a year.

When surgery is completed he will be an inch taller than his stunning ex-model wife Carla Bruni.

Sarkozy, 53, was ridiculed on last week's state visit to Britain for being so short. He had elevated heels in his shoes while wife Carla, 40, wore a flat pair of pumps.

The method, Stature Augmentation Treatment, was developed on guinea pigs by Israeli academic Professor Ura Schmuck.

Even better than that was this video from the BBC. I won't spoil it for you, but I recommend you watch it soon--it will only be up for three more days. UPDATE: If the above video link won't play for you, you can find a slightly lower-quality version on YouTube.

Found: One Screwdriver

2008-03-24T14:35:49Z

I thought this photo was pretty funny.

Could You Be British? Part II

2008-03-22T09:22:26Z

And now, the answers... 1. Where would you hear the following accents: Geordie; Scouse; Cockney?
"Well-known dialects in England are Geordie (Tyneside), Scouse (Liverpool) and Cockney (London)." 2. What are the nations of the United Kingdom, from most populous to least--and who are their patron saints?
England (St. George); Scotland (St. Andrew); Wales (St. David); and Northern Ireland 3. What is the rule regarding the teaching of religion in state schools?
"Schools must, by law, provide religious education (RE) to all puils. Parents are allowed to withdraw their children from these lessons. RE lessons have a Christian basis but children also learn about other major religions." 4. What is the maximum amount that a university may charge per year for tuition fees?
"At present, univeristies can charge up to £3,000 [about $6,000] per year for their tuition fees, but students do not have to pay anything towards their fees before or during their studies. The government pays their tuition fees, and then charges for them when a student starts working after university." 5. By law, how old must you be to work behind the counter of a fish-and-chip shop?
"By law, chldren under 16 can only do light work. There are particular jobs that children are not allowed to do. These include delivering milk, selling alcohol, cigarettes or medicines, working in a kitchen or behind the counter of a chip shop, working with dangerous machinery or chemicals, or doing any other kind of work that may be harmful to their health or education." 6. How many players are there on the UK rugby team?
A trick question. "There are no United Kingdom teams for football and rugby. England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland have their own teams." 7. Where is the original copy of the British Constitution kept?
Another trick question. "The British Constitution is not written down in any single document, as are the constitutions of many other countries. This is mainly because the United Kingdom has never had a lasting revolution, like America or France, so our most important institutions have been in existence for hundreds of years. Some people believe there should be a single document, but others believe that an unwritten constitution allows more scope for institutions to adapt to meet changing circumstances and public expectations." 8. If you notice that everybody on the Tube has paper poppies in their lapels, what time of year is it?
"Remembrance Day, 11 November, commemorates those who died fighting in World War 1, World War 2 and other wars. Many people wear poppies (a red flower) in memory of those who died. At 11 a.m. there is a two-minute silence." 9. What led to the American revolution?
"When the British government tried to tax the colonies to pay for their wars in North America against the French and the Native American tribes, the colonies rebelled. They said there should be 'no taxation without representation' in the British Parliament. Parliament refused to compromise. This led the American colonies to declare independence from Britain in 1776. The Declration of Independence asserted universal principles of free government. Many people in Britain and Europe who wanted political reform welcome the ideas of the declaration." 10. How did the colonies win the war?
"The American colonies defeated the British army with the help of the French."

Could You Be British?

2008-03-20T18:38:38Z

Now that Lauren and I have been in the UK for five years, we've decided to apply for an "indefinite leave to remain" -- the UK equivalent of a green card. (NOTE TO OUR PARENTS: Yes, we do still plan on moving back to the States at some point. Honest.) Of course, Her Majesty can't let in just any riffraff. Before she will grant us leave, we have to take a test on life in the UK--the same test taken by people hoping to become British citizens. For those of you who want to test your Britishness, here are some questions based on the official government study guide. I'll post the answers in a day or two; in the meantime, if you want to play at home, you can post your guesses in the comment section. (Googling your answers is most definitely not cricket.) 1. Where would you hear the following accents: Geordie; Scouse; Cockney? 2. What is the rule regarding the teaching of religion in state schools? 3. What is the maximum amount that a university may charge per year for tuition fees? 4. By law, how old must you be to work behind the counter of a fish-and-chip shop? 5. What are the nations of the United Kingdom, from most populous to least--and who are their patron saints? 6. How many players are there on the UK rugby team? 7. Where is the original copy of the British Constitution kept? 8. If you notice that everybody on the Tube has paper poppies in their lapels, what time of year is it? 9. What led to the American revolution, and what was the reaction to it in Britain? 10. How did the American colonies win the war?

Jewno

2008-03-14T16:19:54Z

As he has been in year's past, my-friend-the-Daily-Show-writer Rob Kutner is involved in a charity sketch show in honor of the Jewish holiday of Purim. And as in year's past, I've written a sketch for it. This year, guests include also-from-the-Daily-Show Aasif Manvi, and a special video appearance by Lewis Black. If you're in New York, on Saturday, March 22, I highly recommend you stop by the Shushan Channel. You may want to buy your tickets now; it tends to sell out. And if you aren't in New York, here's a small sample of the Hebraic humor goodness you're missing.

And speaking of relationships

2008-02-26T16:10:28Z

My friend and former Dennis Miller Live co-worker Leah--one of the funniest people I know--is a regular contributor to a site called The Mad As Hell Club. I thought her latest entry made a nice counterpart to Mike's Guide To Dating A Nice Dude.