Been referred to by anybody (including yourself) by any of the following terms: "movie buff," "film buff," "cinephile," "movie
geek," "film geek"?
Been asked by a friend or family member to recommend movies?
Chosen a less convenient movie theater over a more convenient one because the less convenient theater had a better screen or sound system?
Seen a movie on opening weekend?
Been to a movie theater to see a film that was more than 10 years old at the time?
Watched two or more movies in a single 24 hour period?
Watched more than 6 hours of movies in a single 24 hour period?
Spent all, or nearly all, of your waking hours on a given day watching movies?
Thought less of somebody because of his or her taste in movies?
Considered breaking off a relationship with somebody because of his or her taste in movies?
Actually broken off a relationship with somebody because of his or her taste in movies?
Passed up an opportunity to have sex in order to watch a movie?
GENERAL FILM KNOWLEDGE
Give yourself one point, up to three per individual, for each film you can name that involved...
Francis Ford Coppola
Vittorio De Sica
D. W. Griffith
Erich Von Stroheim
F. W. Murnau
Betty Comden & Adolph Green
Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio
James Wong Howe
The Marx Brothers
David O. Selznick
Give yourself one point (up to a total of three) for each film you can name that...
...Dalton Trumbo wrote, but did NOT receive on-screen credit for at the time.
...Martin Scorsese received an Oscar nomination for.
...features the director in an onscreen speaking role.
...was a silent film directed by Alfred Hitchock, Frank Capra, or John Ford.
...was a student film directed by George Lucas, Stephen Spielberg, Robert Rodriguez, or Bob Zemeckis.
For each of the following quotes, give yourself one point if you can identify which movie it came from; one point if you can identify the actor who said it; and one point if you can name the writer or writers credited with the screenplay. (Answers are not provided because if you aren't positive you know the answer, you shouldn't get Movie Geek Points for it.)
"Mr. & Mrs. Ignatz Ratsky-Watsky."
"I don't drink... wine."
"Everything has been said, provided words do not change their meanings, or meanings their words."
"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."
"And you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?"
"A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn't see me at all, but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl."
"The vessel with the pestle has the pellet with the poison."
"The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts."
"I make more money than Calvin Coolidge--put together!"
"Did I ever tell you about Sammy Jankis?"
"I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."
"Made it, Ma! Top of the world!"
"Look how she moves! That's just like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex."
know what "Mise-en-scéne" is?
know what "montage" is?
know what the auteur theory is?
have an opinion on the auteur theory?
suspect that anybody who disagrees with your opinion on the auteur theory simply doesn't understand film?
Give yourself one point for each of the distinctions you can explain:
PAL vs. NTSC
Pan & Scan vs. Letterbox
Maxivision vs. Digital Projection
16 mm vs. 35 mm
Anamorphic projection vs. Hard matting
Joel Coen vs. Ethan Coen
Have you ever lived in Los Angeles for more than three weeks?
Do you feel the above question displayed an inexcusably narrow viewpoint about the film industry?
Have you ever purchased a copy of "Variety" or "The Hollywood Reporter?"
Has your name ever appeared in "Variety" or "The Hollywood Reporter"?
Have you ever written anything that has appeared in "Variety," "The Hollywood Reporter," "Premiere," or "Entertainment Weekly"?
Have you ever bought stock in a company based at least partly on the fact that the company is involved in motion picture production?
Have you ever invested money directly in a movie?
Give yourself one point, up to three, for each...
screenplay you have written.
screenplay you have written that has been sold.
screenplay you have written that has been made into a movie.
movie you have directed (home movies count, if you thought of yourself as the director while you were making it.)
movie you have acted in.
movie for which you have been director of photography.
movie you have edited.
movie you've played any other role in making (as makeup artist, key grip, or anything else.)
If you have been involved in so many movies that you felt gypped for only getting three points for any of the questions above, give yourself one extra bonus point. Happy now, Ennio Morricone?
Give yourself a bonus point if you understand why I mentioned Ennio Morricone by name in the above question.
Give yourself a bonus point if you feel you should have been mentioned by name instead of Ennio Morricone.
Have you ever received an Oscar or an Oscar nomination?
Have you ever attended the Oscars? (Waiting outside to gawk at the stars counts.)
Give yourself one point for each of the following organizations you can
Give yourself one point for each of the preceding organizations you have ever belonged to.
SPECIAL SELF-REFERENTIAL BONUS ROUND
Give yourself bonus points if:
You thought this test was too easy.
You are now seriously considering doing something for the sole purpose of raising your Movie Geek Score.
If you scored...
100%: Thanks for taking my test, Mr. Scorsese. It's an honor. My sympathies on that whole Oscar thing.
85% - 99%: If you scored in this range, your first reaction to the line above was , "For heaven's sake, Martin Scorsese wouldn't belong to HFPA or ACE, making his maximum well below 100%. What kind of a moron do you think I am?" You are the ultimate film geek, driven by your obsession well past the point of madness, like John Wayne in "Red River" or Humphrey Bogart in "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" or Charles Laughton in "Mutiny on the Bounty." (If you did not get any of those references, please subtract 10 percentage points from your score.)
70% - 84%: You are the penultimate film geek, driven by your obsession almost to the point of madness but not quite, much like Montgomery Clift in "Red River," Tim Holt in "Treasure of the Sierra Madre," or Clark Gable in "Mutiny on the Bounty."
55% - 69 %: You are the antipenultimate film geek, knowledgeable and passionate, but with your feet firmly grounded in practicalities, like Walter Brennan in "Red River," Walter Huston in "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre," or that guy in "Mutiny On The Bounty" who wasn't Clark Gable or Charles Laughton.
40% - 54%: You are knowledgeable about film, but not particularly obsessed. You really liked "Mutiny on the Bounty," unless, wait, maybe you're thinking of "The Caine Mutiny." Which one had Humphrey Bogart in it?
25% - 39%: You like movies, but you aren't especially knowledgable about them. You are much like that guy in that movie who did that thing--you know, the one who looked really familiar.
24% or below: You know how sometimes you go in a room and it's dark, and then moving images appear on this big screen in front of you? No? OK, never mind.
Text compiled by (and copyright by ) Jacob Sager Weinstein
EMAIL: moviegeek at yankeefog.com
Based on code written by Denys the Purple Wyrm (original code copyright 2000, used by permission)
Additional questions suggested by: Steve B, Hal Burdick, DresserX, Mike Nolan, MJ Simpson, and TCF.