poetry: May 2006 Archives

A wily asbestos attorney
got a job as an ER intern. He
knew a new client
would prove most compliant,
anesthetized there on the gurney.

A Song Parody On The Theme of "Lasik New York City"
(sung to the tune of Boy From New York City)

Oo ah oo ah oo oo, Kitty--
Tell us about lasik, New York City.
Oo ah oo ah come on, Kitty--
Tell us about lasik, New York City.

If you can't see things
when they're 10 feet high,
they shoot these laser beams
into your eye.

And no joke--when all that smoke
clears away, your cornea is OK-doke.
Oo ee-- you suddenly can see.
Goodbye, crap (yeah, yeah)
corneal flap. (Yeah, yeah.)

Oo ah oo ah Kitty,
tell us about lasik in New York City
Oo ah oo ah Kitty,
Tell us about lasik in New York City.

A Higgledy-Piggledy On The Theme of "Mesothelioma Lawyers"

Asbestos tragedies,
mesotheliomas
happen most frequently
inside folks' pleuras.

Then they get bloodthirsty
mesothelioma
lawyers to harass their
stingy insurers.

Can a poet make a good living in this modern world?

I've decided to find out. I'm going to write a series of poems based around the highest-paying search terms. If all goes well, I will soon be raking in the advertising dollars. Plus, I'll be writing beautiful verse that will live in glory for all eternity, so I got that going for me, too.

The first installment:

A Clerihew, On The Theme Of "Chicago Personal Injury Lawyer"
Jonathan Worthington Serrington Sawyer
(a Chicago personal injury lawyer)
achieved his fame
through the length of his name.